My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
