I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
