I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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