When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
