Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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