I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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