cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
