I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
