we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize