Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
