Sponge bath it is.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
