My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
