The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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