we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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