come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
