apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
