The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All the doctor said was why
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
