Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This baby is an asshole
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
