1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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