So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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