Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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