what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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