If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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