yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
