I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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