Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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