I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
