i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
