I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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