Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
