U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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