every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
