watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
