I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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