Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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