you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
