That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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