you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
