The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize