Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
