In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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