people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
