he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
