i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
