this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
