He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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