wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
