Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
