Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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