My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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