So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
