Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
