I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
