her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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