I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
