forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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