His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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