The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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