By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to calm my uterus...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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