Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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