Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
