U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
