It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
