you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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