Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
