thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
