he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
