I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
