At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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