the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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