I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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