Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
