We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
