Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
