Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
