i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
