Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
