sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
