Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
