Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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