omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
