good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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