Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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