I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
