you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
