hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
