We're like a lot better than the average bears
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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