listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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