Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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