alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
