my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
