He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
