Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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