how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
