I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
