Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
