What a fucking waste of an outfit
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
