I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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