is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
