I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
