Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A+ Viking dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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